As I was driving past the elementary school across the street from my house this morning, I noticed a line of school buses parked in the circular drop off/pick up driveway. Milling about on the front lawn were lots of tired and dirty looking 5th graders, some dragging worn duffle bags, others sitting on suitcases waiting to be picked up by parents. Ah, the return from Walker Creek science and nature camp!!
Growing up in San Jose, I attended Redwood Glen now known as Walden West. These are some of my very fondest memories. It was my very first sleep away camp! And it was CO-ED!! Which was a very very big deal to my budding little pre-teen heart! Oh sure, there were nature walks and lots of sciency learning-type stuff. Licking banana slugs and whatnot. But the BEST part – after dinner every night they showed a movie. And we all got to sit together on the floor IN THE DARK. Next to BOYS! Virtually unchaperoned. O.M.G!
My Redwood Glen boyfriend was Gary Neves. The first day we were there, one of Gary’s friends (probably a Steve or John) told me Gary wanted to know if I would sit by him at the movie that night. And my totally cool and nonchalant reply, “yeah, sure. Ok.” Now, we didn’t speak during the day, barely acknowledging each other’s existence. But sure enough, as soon as those lights went down, we were side by side HOLDING HANDS THE ENTIRE MOVIE!! Oh, be still my heart! I remember telling my girlfriends later that night, whispering after lights out, hanging upside down from the top bunk, that his hand was sweaty and I’d lost feeling in my fingers somewhere around the 1 hour mark. Ah, young love!
That continued every night until the last night. Gary didn’t sit by me. He sat by ANOTHER GIRL (probably a Stacy or Stephanie.) And I could see him holding HER hand. Men! I don’t recall being devastated, though I probably cried that night and wrote a heart-wrenching entry in my diary. My Redwood Glen fling was over. Heartbreak at Science Camp. I think just about every 6th grade girl my age has some version of this same story in her history. And the boys probably just remember peeing in the woods and licking those banana slugs.
And then I think of Sean. He’s only in 2nd grade now, but 5th grade will be here soon enough. That’s the elementary school he’ll be going to next year. He is bused to a different one now, since he’s in the K-2nd Special Day Class and that’s only offered at the school across town. He’s not mainstreaming next year as we had hoped. In fact, he most likely won’t be mainstreaming ever.
And so I wonder what the future holds for him. Will he get to go to Walker Creek with the “regular” kids? Will he be separated or will they have them mingle? Will he be excluded since he’s in the Special Day Class, labeled Special Ed, ostracized? Will he get to hold hands with a girl in the dark during movie time? I want for him to experience so much more than licking banana slugs and hiking through a rainy forest led by a college kid from Santa Cruz. And I worry that being in the “special” class will prevent him from having the experiences that I hold most dear.
I hope that he’ll be able to make his own special memories. I need to learn to let go and remember that my job as a parent isn’t to give him the childhood that I wanted. But the one that he wants. And needs. It’s about him. Not me.
This mom stuff is HARD!!
HUGGGGSSSS. I have had such similar thoughts with Zack. I try to remind myself that maybe he will have different experiences but he will still have wonderful ones. Sean will turn out exactly how Sean is supposed to turn out.